Chapman Saves Thousands By Planting Dead Trees

By Resident Repetition Expert Andy McAndrews

In a startling move some time last week, landscapers planted trees that appear to be dead or, at the very least on their way out, adjacent to the 2.25 million dollar Global Citizens Plaza behind the Lastinger Athletics Complex and the Fish Interfaith Center.

“We raised the funds for this thing, what? A year ago?” said construction manager Nibble Kitting. “Material costs have been skyrocketing over the last few years. We simply ran out of money, so we bought dead trees, four for the price of one live one. It was a great deal! They look half as good for a quarter of the price. Tell me that isn’t awesome.”

The student reaction can be considered confused at best. “Really?” said sophomore Corey Potter. “Forty thousand dollars a year and they can’t even put in living trees. Really, Chapman? C’mon.”

The landscaping is expected to be replaced by concrete just like every other square foot of attractive land on campus within the coming years and, thus, not considered an issue any longer.