Chapman Students Stubbornly Refuse To Become Global Citizens

by the Chief Sexual Correspondent

According to a recent poll, ninety percent of Chapman students are confused or angry about their new found global citizenship.

“I just don’t understand what it really means. Do you know?” asked one student.

“How the shit would I know? Piss. Stupid expensive fucking ball. God dammit,” replied another.

Conversations like this have become commonplace amongst the Chapman community, most often taking place when two or more students pass the new plaza on their way to class or Greek Life shit. And while Chapman officials are not yet panicked about the lack of student support for the ball with poles around it, they are nonetheless worried.

“What a lot of the bigwigs upstairs don’t realize is that this thing really needs student support to succeed,” spat Chapman Development Coordinator Richard Klein from his basement office. “Otherwise, it’s just gonna become a ball for drunk guys to piss on.”

And the truth is, he may be right. According to my grandpa, a Chapman School of Railroads alum, not a single extravagant development has been erected in the University’s history without students lashing out with anger and urine.

“Now go get me a hooker,” he hoarsely requested after the interview.

“Ok,” I lied.

More on this as it deveops into nonsensical bullshit.