by Dr. Catastrophe
A recent Daily Chapman survey on college drinking habits showed 137 percent of students admitted they drink heavily on a regular basis.
“Yeah man!” explained fraternity leader Taylor Fife in an interview last Tuesday, “(That’s why) they call me Hopper, (what) ev(er) you throw in me, I’ll churn tha(t) shit”. Taylor, who admits he drinks almost every night, went on further to explain he has arranged all his classes on Tuesday and Wednesday “Bitch-days” and that all his classes start past 6pm.
Alcohol, the most primitive form of… well you know, ha. Anyway, we’ll- God, I feel so stupid right now, don’t, well. I just wanted to tell you I love you man, I mean I really, really like love you… god, this moust- must sound stu-. what? huh? No, no, I’m good to drive. I am, I really am! Trust me here, you never trust me with anything Kyle. Do you guys ever think about dying sometimes? I mean really think about it?
It is noted that the statistic has a 37% margin of error and pussies were exempted from the survey.
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