By Alan Wortwick
Twats the night before Christmas: all through the Daily Chapman house
Not a mattress wasn’t squeaking, not even for Uncle Klaus
The pants were thrown above the chimney with kinky-ness
In hopes that no one would get prego this slutty Christmas
The Asians were nestled all snug in their beds,
Dreaming of prostitutes sucking their small heads.
And mamma wore nothing, not even a cap
Because she knew tonight there would be no winter’s nap
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window, I flew with my cock,
Tore open the shutters and looked up at the clock.
The black men were pissed off out on our lawn
They were not invited to our Christmas fun
We misunderstood when they said to dream
Of a White Christmas as our party theme
So this Christmas we weren’t racist
I am just a simple bassist
Who enjoys singing White Christmas
Full overflowing beer glasses.
From all of us here at The Daily Chapman
We wish you a Merry Christmas, especially Batman.
We look forward to blowing your minds in 2010
It’ll be all sorts of fun for you and your kin.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Sexually,
Rev. Alan Wortwick, PhD and Friends
The Daily Chapman
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