By Gones B. Bygones
The Henley Underground, named as such by student vote last year, has been rechristened already with -- much like everything else in Chapman -- the name of a very old person with a lot of money. The snazzier, bafflingly green area (a wonderful nod to Chapman’s other school colors) now has elaborate signs introducing students to “Doy’s Place,” in namesake to Doy Henley. This name change has stirred up little controversy.
One sophomore declared, “Wow, that doesn’t sound completely retarded.” This approving student then went on to order his slice of pizza and a soda for the meal plan equivalent of 11 dollars.
Though the name change has been generally accepted, many students are just now realizing that a man is actually named Doy. This has sparked a debate. Was he named such because his parents hated him? How does he have so much money with such a handicap?
“Dude’s gotta have huge balls to get rich and successful in life with a name like Doy,” one junior eloquently stated.
Daily Chapman affirms that indeed, Doy Henley must have abnormally large testes to be that proud of his parent’s unique name choice.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Chapman Gym Cures Cancer
Chief Investigative Reporter Helen Keller
In a historic announcement from the Orange Campus that rivals the dedication of the Global Citizen Plaza, President Doti announced this week that Chapman University had eliminated all forms of cancerous growth in the student body by requiring that sleeves be worn in its gym. Despite the immense advantage in the cancer prevention pursuit that many outside observers believed so called “research” universities had, several medical commentators attribute the success of a mediocre, glorified liberal arts college to the always prudent and judicious policies of its administration.
“The way they arbitrarily announce new health and safety rules without consulting the students? Brilliant! Students would give their own mother cancer if they had the choice,” said Dr. Harvey Snagglesmith, Dean of Michigan’s prestigious medical school. He added, “Why didn’t I think of that?”
Students reacted with the characteristic jubilation that accompanies new administration policies at Chapman. “When they said it was a health issue I assumed it was some dumb excuse for a Chapman bureaucrat to make policy and pretend he had a real job,” student Anthony Bakersworth said. “But cancer?? Really? I’ll never have to wear a condom again!”
Other students were pleased that Chapman has received yet another prestigious ranking for the books. “I mean, I already knew we were at the top of the list for dorm fire safety -– that’s one of the big reasons I came here,” Freshman Mary Bledsoe gushed. “But our student health policies curing cancer? That’s just icing on the cake. I can’t wait to tell my favorite members of the Chapman Grandparents Club!” As of press time, President Doti was expected to issue a statement proclaiming Chapman the “Student Health and Safety Destination of the West.”
In a historic announcement from the Orange Campus that rivals the dedication of the Global Citizen Plaza, President Doti announced this week that Chapman University had eliminated all forms of cancerous growth in the student body by requiring that sleeves be worn in its gym. Despite the immense advantage in the cancer prevention pursuit that many outside observers believed so called “research” universities had, several medical commentators attribute the success of a mediocre, glorified liberal arts college to the always prudent and judicious policies of its administration.
“The way they arbitrarily announce new health and safety rules without consulting the students? Brilliant! Students would give their own mother cancer if they had the choice,” said Dr. Harvey Snagglesmith, Dean of Michigan’s prestigious medical school. He added, “Why didn’t I think of that?”
Students reacted with the characteristic jubilation that accompanies new administration policies at Chapman. “When they said it was a health issue I assumed it was some dumb excuse for a Chapman bureaucrat to make policy and pretend he had a real job,” student Anthony Bakersworth said. “But cancer?? Really? I’ll never have to wear a condom again!”
Other students were pleased that Chapman has received yet another prestigious ranking for the books. “I mean, I already knew we were at the top of the list for dorm fire safety -– that’s one of the big reasons I came here,” Freshman Mary Bledsoe gushed. “But our student health policies curing cancer? That’s just icing on the cake. I can’t wait to tell my favorite members of the Chapman Grandparents Club!” As of press time, President Doti was expected to issue a statement proclaiming Chapman the “Student Health and Safety Destination of the West.”
Monday, September 28, 2009
Cafeteria Times Cause Controversy
By Alan Parker
Recently, Jerry Price held a discussion between students about the new cafeteria. Views were extremely polarized on this issue. While most topics had already been discussed earlier in the year, students are just now realizing that the times for the cafeteria are different on the weekend than during the week.
Sophomore Ted Stevens was a very vocal critic of the weekend times. "I don't wake up until 1 in the afternoon most days, and eating dinner before 6:30 is really hard to do."
Freshman Mark Williams agrees. "If I'm at the beach and traffic is bad, I might miss dinner. Last week I got back at 6:35 and they wouldn't let me in to eat. How much do I pay to go to this school?"
On the other hand, many seemed to support the cafeteria hours. President Doti, under the screenname "XxClImB91xO" said, "We need to keep the cafeteria closed so that students begin to starve on weekends. There's a whole section of the national rankings dedicated to test scores, and everyone knows a desperate and hungry student does better on tests."
Gerald Marshall, freshman, also likes the cafeteria the way it is, but for different reasons. "I think that the cafeteria hours are perfectly reasonable," he said. "Why should the cafeteria stay open at a time when nobody is hungry -- namely, 6:30PM to 11:00 AM the next morning on weekends?"
Recently, Jerry Price held a discussion between students about the new cafeteria. Views were extremely polarized on this issue. While most topics had already been discussed earlier in the year, students are just now realizing that the times for the cafeteria are different on the weekend than during the week.
Sophomore Ted Stevens was a very vocal critic of the weekend times. "I don't wake up until 1 in the afternoon most days, and eating dinner before 6:30 is really hard to do."
Freshman Mark Williams agrees. "If I'm at the beach and traffic is bad, I might miss dinner. Last week I got back at 6:35 and they wouldn't let me in to eat. How much do I pay to go to this school?"
On the other hand, many seemed to support the cafeteria hours. President Doti, under the screenname "XxClImB91xO" said, "We need to keep the cafeteria closed so that students begin to starve on weekends. There's a whole section of the national rankings dedicated to test scores, and everyone knows a desperate and hungry student does better on tests."
Gerald Marshall, freshman, also likes the cafeteria the way it is, but for different reasons. "I think that the cafeteria hours are perfectly reasonable," he said. "Why should the cafeteria stay open at a time when nobody is hungry -- namely, 6:30PM to 11:00 AM the next morning on weekends?"
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Public Safety Implies Underage Drinking is Okay
By John Irving
On Saturday night, Public Safety canceled an event that had been previously set up by two Resident Advisors, leaving students who planned to attend with no other option than to drink underage.
From what we heard, an event had been put onto the official calendar beforehand, and part of the campus had been reserved for the gathering. At the appointed hour, students came from far and wide to participate, rather than just going and getting trashed. What happened next, frankly, was appalling.
"They say that we never registered this event, so we can't have it," it was explained to the crowd. This was despite the fact that the event coordinators had express instructions on how people should arrive so as not to attract too much attention -- instructions that were, presumably, delivered by a Public Safety officer when the paperwork reserving the campus area was turned in.
"We had nothing else to do," said Walker Christiansen, sophomore. "We had to go binge drinking instead. I don't remember much about last night, but fuck Public Safety."
Some students have even suggested that Public Safety is biased against events that have any sort of chance to succeed. "Events that are guaranteed to suck are given a free pass. This insures that the maximum number of people spend their weekends out getting trashed -- not on campus where they could be safely monitored and using the facilities that they pay approximately $35,000 in tuition for," said Michael Wilson, senior.
Junior Craig Donelan agrees. "By canceling the Saturday event, Public Safety has sent the message to students that drinking on the weekends is a better use of their time than a school-sanctioned, RA-run event. Is this what they have wanted to tell us all along? Maybe."
Tyler Scrokes had a different take, however. "Maybe Public Safety just hates fun."
[If any member of Public Safety would like to respond in the comments, or to admin@dailychapman.com we'd be more than happy to hear your side. Thank you. PS: The people organizing the event had nothing to do with this article; this is solely the work of a Daily Chapman staff member who planned to attend and was instead forced to go home and drink.]
On Saturday night, Public Safety canceled an event that had been previously set up by two Resident Advisors, leaving students who planned to attend with no other option than to drink underage.
From what we heard, an event had been put onto the official calendar beforehand, and part of the campus had been reserved for the gathering. At the appointed hour, students came from far and wide to participate, rather than just going and getting trashed. What happened next, frankly, was appalling.
"They say that we never registered this event, so we can't have it," it was explained to the crowd. This was despite the fact that the event coordinators had express instructions on how people should arrive so as not to attract too much attention -- instructions that were, presumably, delivered by a Public Safety officer when the paperwork reserving the campus area was turned in.
"We had nothing else to do," said Walker Christiansen, sophomore. "We had to go binge drinking instead. I don't remember much about last night, but fuck Public Safety."
Some students have even suggested that Public Safety is biased against events that have any sort of chance to succeed. "Events that are guaranteed to suck are given a free pass. This insures that the maximum number of people spend their weekends out getting trashed -- not on campus where they could be safely monitored and using the facilities that they pay approximately $35,000 in tuition for," said Michael Wilson, senior.
Junior Craig Donelan agrees. "By canceling the Saturday event, Public Safety has sent the message to students that drinking on the weekends is a better use of their time than a school-sanctioned, RA-run event. Is this what they have wanted to tell us all along? Maybe."
Tyler Scrokes had a different take, however. "Maybe Public Safety just hates fun."
[If any member of Public Safety would like to respond in the comments, or to admin@dailychapman.com we'd be more than happy to hear your side. Thank you. PS: The people organizing the event had nothing to do with this article; this is solely the work of a Daily Chapman staff member who planned to attend and was instead forced to go home and drink.]
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Daily Chapman Intern Taken Out Back, Shot
By Josef Kratzin
At 11:05 AM, Daily Chapman intern Kyle Szeluga was taken out back and summarily executed after failing to update the Daily Chapman website on Friday, September 26th.
"No, please, I was totally drunk," said Szeluga, in protest. While this was a valid excuse, since the rest of the updating staff was having the same problem and slept until four in the afternoon, somebody needed to take the fall.
The Daily Chapman runs a tight ship by a strong and inflexible honor code. Failing to meet these standards is prosecutable under military law wherein a person is guilty until proven guilty.
A service will not be held, as Szeluga's body was donated to Hashinger for kickbacks. His name has been struck from the records, and nobody will speak of him hereafter.
At 11:05 AM, Daily Chapman intern Kyle Szeluga was taken out back and summarily executed after failing to update the Daily Chapman website on Friday, September 26th.
"No, please, I was totally drunk," said Szeluga, in protest. While this was a valid excuse, since the rest of the updating staff was having the same problem and slept until four in the afternoon, somebody needed to take the fall.
The Daily Chapman runs a tight ship by a strong and inflexible honor code. Failing to meet these standards is prosecutable under military law wherein a person is guilty until proven guilty.
A service will not be held, as Szeluga's body was donated to Hashinger for kickbacks. His name has been struck from the records, and nobody will speak of him hereafter.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Associated Students Elections Occurring Right Now
By Johnathon M. P. Cleese
"No seriously guys, that's the joke," said junior Tim Burgman.
"No seriously guys, that's the joke," said junior Tim Burgman.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Public Safety Officer in High Speed Pursuit
By Johnny Rotten
Adam Michaels, a Chapman University Public Safety Gunnery Sergeant was involved in a high speed chase yesterday across Attallah Piazza. A student was seen on the other side with what appeared to be a beer can. “I knew I had to act quickly,” Michaels said. “I let out my best roar and sprinted.”
Gunnery Sergeant Michaels chased sophomore Matt Preston west on Attallah Piazza at speeds that independent sources clocked at just over 5 miles per hour. The officer barely swerved around a toddler, while Preston ran over a couple having a romantic talk and quickly ducked around a corner, temporarily losing Michaels. However, Preston’s luck ran out when he nearly ran into Public Safety Master Chief Petty Officer Tom Gordon.
“I grabbed the kid and told him it was all over. His look of defeat was the high point of my day.” MCPO Gordon had a message for all Chapman University students. “Don’t fuck with the law. We’ll fuck you right back, and we fuck harder than most of you.”
"It's true," said Gunnery Sergeant Michaels. "It's because our powers are enhanced by the chariots we ride."
Preston was released after his can was revealed to be a diet coke.
Adam Michaels, a Chapman University Public Safety Gunnery Sergeant was involved in a high speed chase yesterday across Attallah Piazza. A student was seen on the other side with what appeared to be a beer can. “I knew I had to act quickly,” Michaels said. “I let out my best roar and sprinted.”
Gunnery Sergeant Michaels chased sophomore Matt Preston west on Attallah Piazza at speeds that independent sources clocked at just over 5 miles per hour. The officer barely swerved around a toddler, while Preston ran over a couple having a romantic talk and quickly ducked around a corner, temporarily losing Michaels. However, Preston’s luck ran out when he nearly ran into Public Safety Master Chief Petty Officer Tom Gordon.
“I grabbed the kid and told him it was all over. His look of defeat was the high point of my day.” MCPO Gordon had a message for all Chapman University students. “Don’t fuck with the law. We’ll fuck you right back, and we fuck harder than most of you.”
"It's true," said Gunnery Sergeant Michaels. "It's because our powers are enhanced by the chariots we ride."
Preston was released after his can was revealed to be a diet coke.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Freshman Misses First Class
By Rodney Stone
On Tuesday, freshman Jacob Nickel missed his Introduction to Economics class. This was the first time he had ever missed a class in college, and he found himself torn after the fact.
“On the one hand, it was like, rebellious you know? Like yeah, fuck class, I'm sleeping in,” said Nickel.
The other hand paints a far different picture. Shortly after missing the class, Nickel got out of bed, panicked, tried to gather his things quickly and rush over to the campus, got halfway to the door, realized it was already thirty minutes into class, gave up, fell sobbing onto the floor, and pounded his fist into his textbook. Soon after, he wrote an email thoroughly apologizing for his actions, even though the professor doesn't take attendance.
The professor didn't even take the time to get past the first sentence. “Seriously, who gives a shit?” he was heard to have said soon after.
Nickel already has plans to skip Thursday's class now too.
On Tuesday, freshman Jacob Nickel missed his Introduction to Economics class. This was the first time he had ever missed a class in college, and he found himself torn after the fact.
“On the one hand, it was like, rebellious you know? Like yeah, fuck class, I'm sleeping in,” said Nickel.
The other hand paints a far different picture. Shortly after missing the class, Nickel got out of bed, panicked, tried to gather his things quickly and rush over to the campus, got halfway to the door, realized it was already thirty minutes into class, gave up, fell sobbing onto the floor, and pounded his fist into his textbook. Soon after, he wrote an email thoroughly apologizing for his actions, even though the professor doesn't take attendance.
The professor didn't even take the time to get past the first sentence. “Seriously, who gives a shit?” he was heard to have said soon after.
Nickel already has plans to skip Thursday's class now too.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Priory of Sion Cleans Parking Lots
By Randy Hearst and Clement C. Moore
In an email sent out earlier today by Public Safety, the masses were informed of the thefts of three Honda vehicles from Jim Miller, Lastinger, and Barrera parking facilities. Many Honda owners fear for the life of their kind-of-expensive automobiles with "meh" handling and good gas mileage. "I HAVE A HONDA. SOOO horrible. Like, just goes to show how good security is," stated worried Honda owner Emmy Mussor.
While many were imparting their condolences for the loss of such mediocre machines, the Daily Chapman Investigatory Team realized that, similar to a serial killer, there was obviously a pattern to these crimes. After asking Honda expert Don Jeeves why only Hondas would be stolen, he replied with two answers. "One explanation is that they are easier to break into." said Jeeves. The other answer was much more disturbing and fitting of the Chapman University.
As Jeeves explained to us, Public Safety, seen as an organization of crime defense and law enforcement, carries on the legacy of the mythical Priory of Sion. The Priory has adapted to modern day living from their medieval beginnings and has embraced a new name while keeping its "P.S." initials. After some brief probing of the campus, it came to light that Public Safety is behind the theft of the three Hondas and is trying to rid the campus of "clunkers" to give the parking lots a much more shiny aesthetic, in fitting with the rest of the university.
"I don't like shitty [looking] cars," stated Public Safety officer James Earl Dean. "If I see one more puke green or puke orange Honda Element roaming the streets, I'm gonna go write some freshman up for drinking in his dorm room, damn it!" It is unclear if the owners of the Hondas will receive their "cars" back, but I believe we can all agree that it's times like these that make us proud to be 'murrikan.
In an email sent out earlier today by Public Safety, the masses were informed of the thefts of three Honda vehicles from Jim Miller, Lastinger, and Barrera parking facilities. Many Honda owners fear for the life of their kind-of-expensive automobiles with "meh" handling and good gas mileage. "I HAVE A HONDA. SOOO horrible. Like, just goes to show how good security is," stated worried Honda owner Emmy Mussor.
While many were imparting their condolences for the loss of such mediocre machines, the Daily Chapman Investigatory Team realized that, similar to a serial killer, there was obviously a pattern to these crimes. After asking Honda expert Don Jeeves why only Hondas would be stolen, he replied with two answers. "One explanation is that they are easier to break into." said Jeeves. The other answer was much more disturbing and fitting of the Chapman University.
As Jeeves explained to us, Public Safety, seen as an organization of crime defense and law enforcement, carries on the legacy of the mythical Priory of Sion. The Priory has adapted to modern day living from their medieval beginnings and has embraced a new name while keeping its "P.S." initials. After some brief probing of the campus, it came to light that Public Safety is behind the theft of the three Hondas and is trying to rid the campus of "clunkers" to give the parking lots a much more shiny aesthetic, in fitting with the rest of the university.
"I don't like shitty [looking] cars," stated Public Safety officer James Earl Dean. "If I see one more puke green or puke orange Honda Element roaming the streets, I'm gonna go write some freshman up for drinking in his dorm room, damn it!" It is unclear if the owners of the Hondas will receive their "cars" back, but I believe we can all agree that it's times like these that make us proud to be 'murrikan.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Bodies of Poor Students Given to Hashinger
By Rodney Cox
Hashinger Science Center recently announced that they had obtained two corpses for use in their Anatomy labs and Forensics classes. This was seen as a great boon for the Forensics classes because the bodies showed signs of a struggle before their deaths, so the Forensics classes were going to get hands-on experience.
However, as more details have come out, a far grislier picture has been painted. A week ago, two students went missing after they stopped paying their tuition. An undercover Daily Chapman investigation has turned up evidence of foul play and shenanigans in the business office. The files of the two students are smeared with blood (and semen).
Are the two bodies at Hashinger those of the missing students, or is it just a terrible coincidence? And if it is the students, what does this mean for when film makers at Dodge need corpse props for their movies? This could be a terrible trend.
Hashinger Science Center recently announced that they had obtained two corpses for use in their Anatomy labs and Forensics classes. This was seen as a great boon for the Forensics classes because the bodies showed signs of a struggle before their deaths, so the Forensics classes were going to get hands-on experience.
However, as more details have come out, a far grislier picture has been painted. A week ago, two students went missing after they stopped paying their tuition. An undercover Daily Chapman investigation has turned up evidence of foul play and shenanigans in the business office. The files of the two students are smeared with blood (and semen).
Are the two bodies at Hashinger those of the missing students, or is it just a terrible coincidence? And if it is the students, what does this mean for when film makers at Dodge need corpse props for their movies? This could be a terrible trend.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Law Deans Battle
By Edgar Shelley
It is rumored that this coming Thursday, September 24, the deans of UCI and Chapman's law schools will hold a duel.
Much like the recent mascot duels that have been added to the football games (See article: September 10), this law school duel is being put forth in order to bolster respect for what many see as a boring major. Normally when one walks through the law school, it is silent as the grave. That will not be the case this Thursday, as crowds convene to cheer on their favorite law dean: either Erwin Chemerinsky of UCI or John Eastman of Chapman.
The encounter will be a typical duel: 10 paces and turn, each gentleman must fire one shot before being allowed to reload and take another, and "seconds" will step in for the law deans if either is incapable or unwilling to participate.
John Eastman is thought to be the early favorite so far, due to rumors about "conditioning" that he undertook last year. It is hinted that the whole reason Eastman hired John Yoo on Chapman's staff last semester was so that Yoo could torture Eastman in his free time, thus granting Eastman an inhuman tolerance for pain. It is also believed that Eastman has thick knots of scar tissue all over his body which act as body armor when fired upon.
On the other hand, the Daily Chapman could not find much about Erwin "The Stranger" Chemerinsky in their quick (read: nonexistent) research. It's widely believed that Chemerinsky is just a regular guy, extraordinary for no reason whatsoever. Those who know him closely, however, say that his study of law was so mentally exhausting that new parts of his brain opened. This has supposedly granted him telepathic powers, as well as control over lightning.
Again, you can see the two deans face off in what is surely the duel of the century on September 24 in Beckman 404.
It is rumored that this coming Thursday, September 24, the deans of UCI and Chapman's law schools will hold a duel.
Much like the recent mascot duels that have been added to the football games (See article: September 10), this law school duel is being put forth in order to bolster respect for what many see as a boring major. Normally when one walks through the law school, it is silent as the grave. That will not be the case this Thursday, as crowds convene to cheer on their favorite law dean: either Erwin Chemerinsky of UCI or John Eastman of Chapman.
The encounter will be a typical duel: 10 paces and turn, each gentleman must fire one shot before being allowed to reload and take another, and "seconds" will step in for the law deans if either is incapable or unwilling to participate.
John Eastman is thought to be the early favorite so far, due to rumors about "conditioning" that he undertook last year. It is hinted that the whole reason Eastman hired John Yoo on Chapman's staff last semester was so that Yoo could torture Eastman in his free time, thus granting Eastman an inhuman tolerance for pain. It is also believed that Eastman has thick knots of scar tissue all over his body which act as body armor when fired upon.
On the other hand, the Daily Chapman could not find much about Erwin "The Stranger" Chemerinsky in their quick (read: nonexistent) research. It's widely believed that Chemerinsky is just a regular guy, extraordinary for no reason whatsoever. Those who know him closely, however, say that his study of law was so mentally exhausting that new parts of his brain opened. This has supposedly granted him telepathic powers, as well as control over lightning.
Again, you can see the two deans face off in what is surely the duel of the century on September 24 in Beckman 404.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Chapman Announces New “Registration Auction”
By Dr. Anita Coffee
ORANGE – On Monday, President Doti announced plans for a Spring 2010 Registration Auction to “distribute registration priority based on absolutely no merit other than access to lots and lots of money.”
The Registration Auction comes on the heels of the hugely successful Parking Auction, which raised enough money for the school to buy an assortment of rare Monkees records to be placed in a bulletproof glass case in Leatherby Libraries. The Registration Auction – unofficially dubbed ‘Cash 4 Class’ by some upper-level administration – will assign students registration priority based on how much money they can get their parents to pony up.
The auction itself will run on WebAdvisor for eleven days over the Winter Break. Chapman’s IS&T department promises that the system will be down for ten of those days, only working for four-minute intervals at yet-to-be-determined but definitely inconvenient times. Students on the East Coast home for their winter breaks will be guaranteed absolutely no access to the system during normal waking hours.
“We want to emphasize Chapman University’s commitment to excellence,” said Doti in a statement to the student body. “By basing availability to classes on economic standing, we’re pretty sure we can weed out those students who aren’t really dedicated to their studies.”
Some students see this new plan as a boon. “This is fantastic,” exclaimed freshman Erik von Trappenholdtz. “Now I can get into classes with professors who will give me the easy ‘A’ I know I deserve.”
A group of upperclassmen soon affixed von Trappenholdtz by his underpants to one of the flagpoles around the Global Citizen's Plaza..
Other students were less pleased by the news. “I’ve been trying to get into a science class for nine semesters, now,” complained fifth-year student Ashley Reed. “This is ridiculous. I can’t get my G.E. requirements finished because freshmen always fill up the spots. At this rate, I won’t graduate until 2014.”
“I’m really peeved,” added senior Roscoe Weatherby. “My parents are trying to put three kids through college. They can’t afford to shell out $300 to get me a decent registration spot.”
Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs, Jerry Price, had a few words to say on the subject. “Come on guys, everything might or might not be fine later on next year, as this might or might not happen, though I'm sure if it does, it won't effect anybody,” Price said in his usual mystic and completely inoffensive manner.
ORANGE – On Monday, President Doti announced plans for a Spring 2010 Registration Auction to “distribute registration priority based on absolutely no merit other than access to lots and lots of money.”
The Registration Auction comes on the heels of the hugely successful Parking Auction, which raised enough money for the school to buy an assortment of rare Monkees records to be placed in a bulletproof glass case in Leatherby Libraries. The Registration Auction – unofficially dubbed ‘Cash 4 Class’ by some upper-level administration – will assign students registration priority based on how much money they can get their parents to pony up.
The auction itself will run on WebAdvisor for eleven days over the Winter Break. Chapman’s IS&T department promises that the system will be down for ten of those days, only working for four-minute intervals at yet-to-be-determined but definitely inconvenient times. Students on the East Coast home for their winter breaks will be guaranteed absolutely no access to the system during normal waking hours.
“We want to emphasize Chapman University’s commitment to excellence,” said Doti in a statement to the student body. “By basing availability to classes on economic standing, we’re pretty sure we can weed out those students who aren’t really dedicated to their studies.”
Some students see this new plan as a boon. “This is fantastic,” exclaimed freshman Erik von Trappenholdtz. “Now I can get into classes with professors who will give me the easy ‘A’ I know I deserve.”
A group of upperclassmen soon affixed von Trappenholdtz by his underpants to one of the flagpoles around the Global Citizen's Plaza..
Other students were less pleased by the news. “I’ve been trying to get into a science class for nine semesters, now,” complained fifth-year student Ashley Reed. “This is ridiculous. I can’t get my G.E. requirements finished because freshmen always fill up the spots. At this rate, I won’t graduate until 2014.”
“I’m really peeved,” added senior Roscoe Weatherby. “My parents are trying to put three kids through college. They can’t afford to shell out $300 to get me a decent registration spot.”
Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs, Jerry Price, had a few words to say on the subject. “Come on guys, everything might or might not be fine later on next year, as this might or might not happen, though I'm sure if it does, it won't effect anybody,” Price said in his usual mystic and completely inoffensive manner.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Chapman May Have Integrity; "No Cause for Alarm," Says Doti
by Chief Master Battlemage A. Ambrose
ORANGE (DC) – Chapman University’s new parking plan has been a big success, both leveraging the status of the financially affluent and further degrading Chapman’s vibrant sub-culture of students who “might do community college for a semester or two.” Disgruntled students assembled Monday, though, to discuss recent concerns with the University’s “C*-Park” plan.
Tempers flared last week when it was discovered that C-Park did more than auction off 187 choice parking spaces to rich kids. “I found this hidden page on Chapman’s website. There was all this shit about ‘subsidies for carpooling’ and ‘being green.’ I was really concerned,” one student said beneath the abyssal depths of his monolithic sunglasses.
He’s not the only one. Plenty of students on campus are concerned that this is the beginning of a dangerous moral trend for the university. Kylie Molonol says, “I thought this was the one place where I could revel in capitalistic excess without losing sleep. C-Park’s incentives for cutting down on pollution generated by commuters really make me wonder about the direction the school is taking.”
A group formed on “the Facebook,” a popular web-based social networking community, joins the choir of student voices speaking out against the new changes. Flying under the banner “Change Chapman Parking – it’s not a country club!!” (a name likely chosen to highlight the plan’s ideal alternative), they are just a few of the many who worry that their school will slowly transform into a den of principles and altruism.
We decided to settle the score and arrange a meeting with President Jim Doti, who provided words of comfort: “I’ve heard a lot about how everyone’s worried that we did the wrong thing, offering all those kids and teachers who live far away a cheap alternative. I assure you that Chapman University is staying the course; in offering better parking and discounts for a select number of carpoolers and bus commuters, morale is raised, and we’re actually not spending more than we do out of pocket on horse races every month. The fountain I’m installing in my guest bedroom costs twice what that shit’ll be a year.”
---
*Chapman
ORANGE (DC) – Chapman University’s new parking plan has been a big success, both leveraging the status of the financially affluent and further degrading Chapman’s vibrant sub-culture of students who “might do community college for a semester or two.” Disgruntled students assembled Monday, though, to discuss recent concerns with the University’s “C*-Park” plan.
Tempers flared last week when it was discovered that C-Park did more than auction off 187 choice parking spaces to rich kids. “I found this hidden page on Chapman’s website. There was all this shit about ‘subsidies for carpooling’ and ‘being green.’ I was really concerned,” one student said beneath the abyssal depths of his monolithic sunglasses.
He’s not the only one. Plenty of students on campus are concerned that this is the beginning of a dangerous moral trend for the university. Kylie Molonol says, “I thought this was the one place where I could revel in capitalistic excess without losing sleep. C-Park’s incentives for cutting down on pollution generated by commuters really make me wonder about the direction the school is taking.”
A group formed on “the Facebook,” a popular web-based social networking community, joins the choir of student voices speaking out against the new changes. Flying under the banner “Change Chapman Parking – it’s not a country club!!” (a name likely chosen to highlight the plan’s ideal alternative), they are just a few of the many who worry that their school will slowly transform into a den of principles and altruism.
We decided to settle the score and arrange a meeting with President Jim Doti, who provided words of comfort: “I’ve heard a lot about how everyone’s worried that we did the wrong thing, offering all those kids and teachers who live far away a cheap alternative. I assure you that Chapman University is staying the course; in offering better parking and discounts for a select number of carpoolers and bus commuters, morale is raised, and we’re actually not spending more than we do out of pocket on horse races every month. The fountain I’m installing in my guest bedroom costs twice what that shit’ll be a year.”
---
*Chapman
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
ANNOUNCEMENT: Daily Chapman Radio!
By Larry Prendergast
Hey everyone!
Boy do we have a treat for you, and this time it's not a disease (unless progressive hearing loss counts, since you'll want to turn this shit up SO LOUD). That's right, tonight's the debut of our brand new Daily Chapman Radio show!
Details
Name: Daily Chapman Radio
Time: 1:00 AM Pacific (So technically Thursday morning, but really still Wednesday night unless you're a pretentious asshole)
How: Just go to www.chapmanradio.com and click on Listen Now.
We're sorry it's so late, but we had to get a slot on Chapman Radio Uncensored this show is probably more offensive than a barrel of monkeys fucking. MONKEYS. FUCKING.
We're not saying that YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS SHOW, because it would be unkind to say forcefully that YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. However, let us kindly explain why YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS SHOW:
1) Gratuitous violence
2) Gratuitous sex
3) Gratuitous drug use
4) Gratuitous alcoholism
5) AND MANY MORE THINGS/[none of the above]!!!!!
If you tune in, we're going to ask for a lot of listener participation. This is our debut episode, and we don't quite know what we're doing with it yet; do you want us to come up with news articles to read to you? Do you want us to perform our acapella music (our band is tentatively known as Sockapella -- it's acapella music...WITH SOCK PUPPETS)? Do you want us to shut the fuck up and sit in silence for an hour (that one's not going to happen)?
It's up to you! So listen! Tonight!
Daily Chapman Radio -- Batteries Not Included
Love,
Larry Prendergast
Acting Editor-in-Chief
The Daily Chapman
admin@dailychapman.com
Hey everyone!
Boy do we have a treat for you, and this time it's not a disease (unless progressive hearing loss counts, since you'll want to turn this shit up SO LOUD). That's right, tonight's the debut of our brand new Daily Chapman Radio show!
Details
Name: Daily Chapman Radio
Time: 1:00 AM Pacific (So technically Thursday morning, but really still Wednesday night unless you're a pretentious asshole)
How: Just go to www.chapmanradio.com and click on Listen Now.
We're sorry it's so late, but we had to get a slot on Chapman Radio Uncensored this show is probably more offensive than a barrel of monkeys fucking. MONKEYS. FUCKING.
We're not saying that YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS SHOW, because it would be unkind to say forcefully that YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. However, let us kindly explain why YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO THIS SHOW:
1) Gratuitous violence
2) Gratuitous sex
3) Gratuitous drug use
4) Gratuitous alcoholism
5) AND MANY MORE THINGS/[none of the above]!!!!!
If you tune in, we're going to ask for a lot of listener participation. This is our debut episode, and we don't quite know what we're doing with it yet; do you want us to come up with news articles to read to you? Do you want us to perform our acapella music (our band is tentatively known as Sockapella -- it's acapella music...WITH SOCK PUPPETS)? Do you want us to shut the fuck up and sit in silence for an hour (that one's not going to happen)?
It's up to you! So listen! Tonight!
Daily Chapman Radio -- Batteries Not Included
Love,
Larry Prendergast
Acting Editor-in-Chief
The Daily Chapman
admin@dailychapman.com
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Honorary Doctorate
By Marcus Flamingho
Today, Chapman students received an email detailing the five types of honorary doctorates that Chapman gives out, as well as how to nominate someone for this prestigious award. The message was long and quite boring, however, and it's assumed that 90% of the school said, "Oh, more worthless crap from the school cluttering my inbox," before hitting that [delete] button.
Therefore, since we want to bring you all the most worthwhile news at Chapman, and since you might have missed this wonderful announcement today, we conducted a phone interview with our very own foreign correspondent/editor-in-chief Alan Wortwick today. The following is transcribed from that conversation:
The Daily Chapman (TDC): Hey Alan, it's good to have you with us.
Alan Wortwick (AW): Good to be here.
TDC: So you said you wanted to talk to us about something related to honorary doctorates?
AW: Well, yes, specifically MY honorary doctorate. It's a little-known secret that Chapman actually awarded me one of these things last year.
TDC: Oh really?
AW: Yeah, Doctor of the University. For all my philanthropic work towards the school and shit. Buying beer for teenagers, giving cocaine to recovering addicts, putting young females through school by letting them do their "hooker" thing to me. You know, good things for the community.
TDC: You know Alan, those all sound like terrible things to do.
AW: [Pause] Sorry, I was conferring with my lawyer. He says those things are pretty okay. I mean, come on, I'm just helping out some college students. I prop up the school's infrastructure. Chapman University runs on cocaine and hookers, okay? And fuck you if you don't know that. You know what? Why the fuck are you on my staff?
[The sound of scuffling comes from Alan's end of the phone.]
Mysterious voice: Forget everything you just heard and go back to sleep. [Click]
So I did.
Today, Chapman students received an email detailing the five types of honorary doctorates that Chapman gives out, as well as how to nominate someone for this prestigious award. The message was long and quite boring, however, and it's assumed that 90% of the school said, "Oh, more worthless crap from the school cluttering my inbox," before hitting that [delete] button.
Therefore, since we want to bring you all the most worthwhile news at Chapman, and since you might have missed this wonderful announcement today, we conducted a phone interview with our very own foreign correspondent/editor-in-chief Alan Wortwick today. The following is transcribed from that conversation:
The Daily Chapman (TDC): Hey Alan, it's good to have you with us.
Alan Wortwick (AW): Good to be here.
TDC: So you said you wanted to talk to us about something related to honorary doctorates?
AW: Well, yes, specifically MY honorary doctorate. It's a little-known secret that Chapman actually awarded me one of these things last year.
TDC: Oh really?
AW: Yeah, Doctor of the University. For all my philanthropic work towards the school and shit. Buying beer for teenagers, giving cocaine to recovering addicts, putting young females through school by letting them do their "hooker" thing to me. You know, good things for the community.
TDC: You know Alan, those all sound like terrible things to do.
AW: [Pause] Sorry, I was conferring with my lawyer. He says those things are pretty okay. I mean, come on, I'm just helping out some college students. I prop up the school's infrastructure. Chapman University runs on cocaine and hookers, okay? And fuck you if you don't know that. You know what? Why the fuck are you on my staff?
[The sound of scuffling comes from Alan's end of the phone.]
Mysterious voice: Forget everything you just heard and go back to sleep. [Click]
So I did.
Monday, September 14, 2009
A Terrible Trend
By Billy J. Bryan
Last night, local junior Scott Hutton noticed an odd trend on Facebook.
"It was like a thousand good status updates cried out at once, and were silenced," said Scott when interviewed. "I was doing some homework when I decided to check my news feed. Little did I know that it had been invaded."
Sorority recruitment ended last night, and the temporary ban on Facebook pages by returning sorority members was lifted. Immediately, sorority girls flooded student news feeds with hundreds of messages about how awesome their own sorority is.
"It was horrifying," said Don Bark, sophomore. "Yet on the other hand, it was so satisfying." When pressed about how it was satisfying, Bark simply replied, "You know, like, that thing you do after dark when you think your roommate is asleep and so you--" [Editor's Note: The rest of the quote taken out for decency's sake. And you know, when we won't even post it, it must have been horrifying.]
So far, it remains to be seen how this new development will be withstood by the Chapman community. Will they give in to an onslaught of crappy picture angles, drunken ramblings, and shitty alcohol, OR WILL THEY RESIST?
Last night, local junior Scott Hutton noticed an odd trend on Facebook.
"It was like a thousand good status updates cried out at once, and were silenced," said Scott when interviewed. "I was doing some homework when I decided to check my news feed. Little did I know that it had been invaded."
Sorority recruitment ended last night, and the temporary ban on Facebook pages by returning sorority members was lifted. Immediately, sorority girls flooded student news feeds with hundreds of messages about how awesome their own sorority is.
"It was horrifying," said Don Bark, sophomore. "Yet on the other hand, it was so satisfying." When pressed about how it was satisfying, Bark simply replied, "You know, like, that thing you do after dark when you think your roommate is asleep and so you--" [Editor's Note: The rest of the quote taken out for decency's sake. And you know, when we won't even post it, it must have been horrifying.]
So far, it remains to be seen how this new development will be withstood by the Chapman community. Will they give in to an onslaught of crappy picture angles, drunken ramblings, and shitty alcohol, OR WILL THEY RESIST?
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Student Caught Border-Hopping at Sandhu
By Robbie Poohn
Sophomore student Ron Picadillo was recently apprehended by a border guard after he was discovered trying to jump over the Sandhu veranda’s fence at around 7 PM yesterday. An off-campus student, Picadillo was, "trying to get a meal that hadn't been microwaved for once."
At first, bystanders thought that Picadillo was going to make it. "We were all cheering and asking him to send food back to us with his new-found luck and wealth," said Nikolai Breznev, junior. Things quickly turned ugly, however. As soon as he stepped over the fence, Picadillo noticed a woman running towards him, waving her arms and yelling. Picadillo was so shocked that he froze, and this allowed him to have his name and ID number taken down by the female border guard.
The new patrolling guard, told Daily Chapman reporters that her job was "To Protect [the food from people undeserving of a meal] and To Serve [the food sometimes when she wasn’t tasked with standing in front of the doors].”
Sophomore student Ron Picadillo was recently apprehended by a border guard after he was discovered trying to jump over the Sandhu veranda’s fence at around 7 PM yesterday. An off-campus student, Picadillo was, "trying to get a meal that hadn't been microwaved for once."
At first, bystanders thought that Picadillo was going to make it. "We were all cheering and asking him to send food back to us with his new-found luck and wealth," said Nikolai Breznev, junior. Things quickly turned ugly, however. As soon as he stepped over the fence, Picadillo noticed a woman running towards him, waving her arms and yelling. Picadillo was so shocked that he froze, and this allowed him to have his name and ID number taken down by the female border guard.
The new patrolling guard, told Daily Chapman reporters that her job was "To Protect [the food from people undeserving of a meal] and To Serve [the food sometimes when she wasn’t tasked with standing in front of the doors].”
Friday, September 11, 2009
Boy Who Cried Wolf Finally Moves In
By John Starkey
After two weeks of waiting with bated breath, the Boy Who Cried Wolf has finally returned to Chapman. This year, instead of living in Henley, he is dwelling in the newly anointed Sandhu Residence Center.
Thus, it was no surprise when the fire alarm in the Sandhu Residence Center went off last night at 4AM. While waking everyone up at that ungodly hour might seem like a cruel, disgusting thing for any respectable human being to do, the Boy Who Cried Wolf went off and had a good laugh.
The Boy Who Cried Wolf is well-known for his other Chapman exploits, such as "telling people that Chapman has a football team" and "parking invisible cars in the Argyros Forum lot so when you drive by it looks empty but you still have to search for fifteen minutes to find a spot".
Fuck you, Boy Who Cried Wolf. I hope you get fucking torn to shreds.
After two weeks of waiting with bated breath, the Boy Who Cried Wolf has finally returned to Chapman. This year, instead of living in Henley, he is dwelling in the newly anointed Sandhu Residence Center.
Thus, it was no surprise when the fire alarm in the Sandhu Residence Center went off last night at 4AM. While waking everyone up at that ungodly hour might seem like a cruel, disgusting thing for any respectable human being to do, the Boy Who Cried Wolf went off and had a good laugh.
The Boy Who Cried Wolf is well-known for his other Chapman exploits, such as "telling people that Chapman has a football team" and "parking invisible cars in the Argyros Forum lot so when you drive by it looks empty but you still have to search for fifteen minutes to find a spot".
Fuck you, Boy Who Cried Wolf. I hope you get fucking torn to shreds.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
SPORTS: New Draws for Football Games
By Fanny Jankowitz
Following last year's low turn-out for home football games, Coach Boone decided it was time for a change. During the off-season, Boone teamed up with the assistant coaching staff to design a number of new events and programs that would entice students to come and watch their (still potentially invisible/nonexistent -- unconfirmed by Daily Chapman reporters) football team.
These programs will be implemented throughout the fall football season, and Boone says he will judge the results by whether he's still able to tell that the stands spell out "C-H-A-P-M-A-N."
New programs include:
1) Executions of goats to appease the football gods.
2) Running of the bulls to open up every game.
3) Mascot duels at half-time: ten paces and turn.
4) $1000 tuition cut for anyone that can sit through every game for the whole season.
5) Crying children to shame you into going to a single game before you graduate (not including that one time you went to the first half of that one homecoming game freshmen year -- the one you left halfway through when you parents said "This is awful, let's go get dinner. Our treat," and you quickly agreed).
Students are still tepid about the changes; said Tyler Polk, sophomore, "I think that these changes are okay because like, yeah." Billy Harrison, on the other hand, contends that, "Meh. Still not enough to make me go."
What would it take to get YOU to go to a Chapman Football Game? Leave a comment and let us know.
Following last year's low turn-out for home football games, Coach Boone decided it was time for a change. During the off-season, Boone teamed up with the assistant coaching staff to design a number of new events and programs that would entice students to come and watch their (still potentially invisible/nonexistent -- unconfirmed by Daily Chapman reporters) football team.
These programs will be implemented throughout the fall football season, and Boone says he will judge the results by whether he's still able to tell that the stands spell out "C-H-A-P-M-A-N."
New programs include:
1) Executions of goats to appease the football gods.
2) Running of the bulls to open up every game.
3) Mascot duels at half-time: ten paces and turn.
4) $1000 tuition cut for anyone that can sit through every game for the whole season.
5) Crying children to shame you into going to a single game before you graduate (not including that one time you went to the first half of that one homecoming game freshmen year -- the one you left halfway through when you parents said "This is awful, let's go get dinner. Our treat," and you quickly agreed).
Students are still tepid about the changes; said Tyler Polk, sophomore, "I think that these changes are okay because like, yeah." Billy Harrison, on the other hand, contends that, "Meh. Still not enough to make me go."
What would it take to get YOU to go to a Chapman Football Game? Leave a comment and let us know.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Jerry Price Writes Perfectly Adequate Newsletter
By Irwin Vanklep
Once again, Jerry Price has written a newsletter that was met with universal neutrality and even-handedness. Students on campus are going so far as to describe Price's short emails each week as "simply okay," "preternaturally inoffensive," and "the most average part of my week."
Indeed, this seemingly dime-a-dozen announcement list to the students could be written only by a true master of middling memos. This Daily Chapman writer went into Price's newsletter the same way he enters the shower in the morning: face staring straight into the cold water, fucking challenging that shit to piss him off. Minutes later, this reporter was astounded to emerge from a deep trance and find that he had drawn hearts and rabbits all over his Chapman Associated Students notepad.
Reports of this soporific phenomenon are coming in from all over the campus. Shane Paulson was on the scene when a riot broke out in the Argyros Forum parking lot. "All of them were throwing rocks and there were people with their eyes rolling back in their heads. Then he appeared."
When pressed on who "he" was, Paulson said, "Jerry Price, of course." Though Paulson couldn't describe the full scene, rumor has it that Price appeared, surrounded by a golden aura, on the top of Argyros Forum. He then read excerpts from his so-so circular into a microphone. Upon doing so, the crowd instantly calmed down. The group dispersed, only to be seen a few minutes later back at the dorms, rubbing their eyes and looking around bewildered.
So thank you Jerry Price, from the whole staff, for balancing out our vitriol with a healthy dose of shrugs.
Once again, Jerry Price has written a newsletter that was met with universal neutrality and even-handedness. Students on campus are going so far as to describe Price's short emails each week as "simply okay," "preternaturally inoffensive," and "the most average part of my week."
Indeed, this seemingly dime-a-dozen announcement list to the students could be written only by a true master of middling memos. This Daily Chapman writer went into Price's newsletter the same way he enters the shower in the morning: face staring straight into the cold water, fucking challenging that shit to piss him off. Minutes later, this reporter was astounded to emerge from a deep trance and find that he had drawn hearts and rabbits all over his Chapman Associated Students notepad.
Reports of this soporific phenomenon are coming in from all over the campus. Shane Paulson was on the scene when a riot broke out in the Argyros Forum parking lot. "All of them were throwing rocks and there were people with their eyes rolling back in their heads. Then he appeared."
When pressed on who "he" was, Paulson said, "Jerry Price, of course." Though Paulson couldn't describe the full scene, rumor has it that Price appeared, surrounded by a golden aura, on the top of Argyros Forum. He then read excerpts from his so-so circular into a microphone. Upon doing so, the crowd instantly calmed down. The group dispersed, only to be seen a few minutes later back at the dorms, rubbing their eyes and looking around bewildered.
So thank you Jerry Price, from the whole staff, for balancing out our vitriol with a healthy dose of shrugs.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Chapman Pursues “Biggest Students” Award
By Ronald Parkins
Following in the footsteps of its former achievements, Chapman has once again decided on the mantra “Bigger is Better” in its new endeavor. The stairs in Argyros Forum comprise “The Biggest Freestanding Spiral Staircase West of the Mississippi.” The Berlin Wall Fountain contains “The Second-largest piece of the Berlin Wall owned by an American University.” The Global Citizens Plaza contains “The Largest Stainless Steel, Rotating Ball in a Water Feature.” Chapman’s new pursuit: “Highest Student Girth this side of the Rocky Mountains.”
One sign that Chapman is pursuing this goal is the lack of accessible stairs in the new Residence Hall. The only stairs have emergency exits at the bottom. One Chapman student exulted in this decision. Said Lane Beeban, sophomore, “I’m glad that Chapman decided to put the stairs in such an awkward area. I hate even having the OPTION to walk to the fourth floor, let alone the second floor. When I took the elevator to the second floor in Henley, I always felt like people judged me for being so lazy. Now I can rejoice in knowing that everyone is just as lazy as me!”
Another student was shocked to see the reduced presence of the salad bar in the cafeteria. One worker at the Residence Center cafeteria, who declined to be named, was heard to have said, “It’s not like anyone wants those really weird things on their salad anyways. Last year we always had to have things like red beans and onions and stuff for people to put on their salad. Who the fuck even eats that shit?”
He then added, “What kind of pussy even eats salad?”
Following in the footsteps of its former achievements, Chapman has once again decided on the mantra “Bigger is Better” in its new endeavor. The stairs in Argyros Forum comprise “The Biggest Freestanding Spiral Staircase West of the Mississippi.” The Berlin Wall Fountain contains “The Second-largest piece of the Berlin Wall owned by an American University.” The Global Citizens Plaza contains “The Largest Stainless Steel, Rotating Ball in a Water Feature.” Chapman’s new pursuit: “Highest Student Girth this side of the Rocky Mountains.”
One sign that Chapman is pursuing this goal is the lack of accessible stairs in the new Residence Hall. The only stairs have emergency exits at the bottom. One Chapman student exulted in this decision. Said Lane Beeban, sophomore, “I’m glad that Chapman decided to put the stairs in such an awkward area. I hate even having the OPTION to walk to the fourth floor, let alone the second floor. When I took the elevator to the second floor in Henley, I always felt like people judged me for being so lazy. Now I can rejoice in knowing that everyone is just as lazy as me!”
Another student was shocked to see the reduced presence of the salad bar in the cafeteria. One worker at the Residence Center cafeteria, who declined to be named, was heard to have said, “It’s not like anyone wants those really weird things on their salad anyways. Last year we always had to have things like red beans and onions and stuff for people to put on their salad. Who the fuck even eats that shit?”
He then added, “What kind of pussy even eats salad?”
Yes, The Banner is Correct
By The Management
It’s official: The Daily Chapman is officially Daily again. Daily Chapman staff is up and running, plans are afoot, etc. Starting today, Tuesday the 8th, we will be back to a daily posting schedule. Stay tuned, faithful readers!
Also, we’re hoping to be at the Taste of Chapman-ish event this Wednesday (Student Involvement Fair? I think that’s the new name) so if you stop by you might see us. Maybe. If we’re not all nursing Tuesday night hangovers.
Three: We’re hoping to start up a Daily Chapman radio show this year. More on that as it develops (for real this time – not the usual Daily Chapman ‘more on this’ shenanigans).
And as always, write articles and send to admin@dailychapman.com if you want them to be published!
Love,
-The Management
The Daily Chapman
www.dailychapman.com
admin@dailychapman.com
It’s official: The Daily Chapman is officially Daily again. Daily Chapman staff is up and running, plans are afoot, etc. Starting today, Tuesday the 8th, we will be back to a daily posting schedule. Stay tuned, faithful readers!
Also, we’re hoping to be at the Taste of Chapman-ish event this Wednesday (Student Involvement Fair? I think that’s the new name) so if you stop by you might see us. Maybe. If we’re not all nursing Tuesday night hangovers.
Three: We’re hoping to start up a Daily Chapman radio show this year. More on that as it develops (for real this time – not the usual Daily Chapman ‘more on this’ shenanigans).
And as always, write articles and send to admin@dailychapman.com if you want them to be published!
Love,
-The Management
The Daily Chapman
www.dailychapman.com
admin@dailychapman.com
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