Daily Chapman Too Drunk To Remember Its Own Birthday

by a pair of three-winged geese

Although Thursday, January 14 was supposed to be the joyous celebration of one year of the holy Daily Chapman, Editor-In-Chef Alan Wortwick admitted, "We were all too drunk to remember why it was that we were drinking."

Sources tell the Daily Chapman that senior staff members Alan Wortwick, David Polenski, Kaden Saliss, William P. Blackwell and Artist-In-Residence Chick Corea were detained by City of Orange Police Friday morning for drunkenly singing, "God Bless America" in the nude at the corner of Glassell St. and La Veta Ave.

"It was appalling," said Orange community member Linda Korowitz. "Why on Earth would Orange Police detain five such exquisite examples of the human form. That image will be burned into my mind for months! So... Hot!"

God Bless America.