Student Speaks Out Against Unfair Credits

By Sir. Jonathon Matero III

Monday, the Kappa Beta Theta sisters joined alongside their beloved Olivia Nonowitz as she protested what she believed to be an “unfair credit allotment” for her interterm class. “I work just as hard in my PA-104 class as the other students taking Philosophy 101 or those crazy English classes,” said Nonowitz. “I deserve the same three credit allotment that they do.”

Further research concluded that Nonowitz was indeed enrolled in PA-104, a course that is simply titled, “Bowling.” “Bowling is truly an art,” said Professor Janet Lloyd of PA-104. “These students deserve just as much credit as a photography class or an experimental drawing class. Seriously, who can paint pictures down lanes with balls? Only a true bowler can do that.”

In other news, Editor-In-Chef Alan Wortwick of The Daily Chapman has announced that he will be teaching a testicular painting course during Interterm 2011. “I foresee a final project in which each lane of a bowling alley is entirely painted by balls,” said Wortwick. “I thought of it in a dream.”