by Executive Chief of Operations and Sex Appeal William P. Blackwell
Although most of your friends were shocked at how quickly you got over that stupid twat that you hooked up with last semester, a recent survey may explain why.
A study performed by the Presidential United Student Survey Yahwists (PUSSY) discovered that nearly 84% of your friend base and over 96% of your casual acquaintances found that twat that you hooked up with last semester to be an overall “cum guzzling thunder cunt”. Furthermore, the question, “Why the fuck would you put your dick near that shit?” ranked number one out of the top five questions that bystanders would like to ask you before you die.
“It’s simply astounding,” said your friend Rick. “In retrospect, I don’t understand why we didn’t see it coming in the first place. I mean, I guess she was kind of nice at first, but that still only makes her a peanut butter and twat sandwich with extra cum sauce.”
Although the PUSSY survey revealed that only 8% of your friend base found that stupid twat to be a “peanut butter and twat sandwich with extra cum sauce,” nearly 98% suggest you never put your dick (or any other portion of your body) near that twatty whore ever again. The other 2% happened to be the slut’s friends who said, “I don’t know why you’re so upset about this.”
You may be pleased to know that The Daily Chapman has already taken the opportunity to dick slap that 2% across the face. She was a fucking cum guzzling thunder cunt man. For reals. You ain’t missing shit.
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