Your Friends Think You Have A Drinking Problem

by Intervention Specialist Barney McGrave

"We didn't want you to hate us," said your friend Kayla, "but this has gone too far. You have a drinking problem." Kayla is the most recent combatant of your raging alcohol problem, but this has been going on way too long.

"I'm not putting you on the couch if you collapse like that again," your friend Brad said while wiping your vomit and feces from his floor. "Shit! Why the fuck do I even clean up after your drunk ass. This shit is gross."

A recent survey says that 98% of your friends think that you're an alcoholic and 68% believe that without alcohol, you will shake nervously. 78% of your casual acquaintances, however, can't think of you as anything but a crazed stoner.

"Seriously, man" said Brad. "Lay off the sauce. You're not helping anyone, including yourself."

The Daily Chapman would agree, but that would be a bit hypocritical. Oh well.