by El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing
In a shocking decision today, Chapman University has announced it will enter into a strategic alliance with Connecticut College, an east coast school also known for its preposterously high tuition and nearly absent reputation.
Students at both universities are being opted into a combined facilities program, a revolutionary idea which allows students from Chapman to check out books from Connecticut’s library. Chapman students are also entitled to Connecticut college e-mail accounts, and a free class on how to spell Connecticut, something 87% of polled Chapman students could not do.
Connecticut College and Chapman University will be co-founding a shared student union, which can be used by any student from either college during the normal time school is in session. The facility, to be located in Chandler, Oklahoma, will feature the largest rock climbing wall in Chandler at four feet, and a few vending machines.
Of course, such grand facilities don’t come without a price. Effective immediately, all Chapman and Connecticut college students are enrolled in a “Dual-Tuition” program. Through this program, students pay the combined tuition rate of both schools.
All is not lost, however. Students may pick one school from which to receive scholarships. Without scholarships, the average Chapman student should expect a modest $51,115 rise in tuition, bringing the total cost for a year at Chapman from $35,790 to $86,905.
“I think this is totally reasonable.” said sophomore AS Senator Lisa Reed, on her way out of President Doti's office. “Connecticut college has a great library, and all Chapman students will be able to benefit from access. It’s only fair that we pay the price.”
Ms. Reed then proceeded to count a large wad of hundred dollar bills in her hand.
Students should expect to hear more about the strategic alliance in the coming days, through frantic phone calls from their parents.
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