By Eileen Dover
At a press conference Monday, Rev. Dr. Alan Wortwick, Editor-In-Chef of The Daily Chapman, publicly announced the support of The Daily Chapman for Chapman University’s new “Cock-Sucking” major and minor programs. “I have received far too many blowjobs from far too many young men and women at this university who don’t know what they are doing,” said Wortwick. “I endorse any program that makes sure that no bitch is gonna bite my dick off.”
Chapman’s revolutionary cock-sucking curriculum has come under wide scrutiny, most of which result in the school being called "trampy", "slutty", and/or "skanky." "That's fucking disgusting," said sophomore Adam Niggardly. "That's even more gross than that Twatsauce Couch article that Daily Chapman put out."
However, Chad has stated his full fledged approval for the motion. "Chad approves," said Chad after Monday's press conference. "Mucho gusto." Thank you Chad. Thank you so much.
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