Last week, Chapman film students were wowed and honored by a visit by Disney Pixar's Brad Bird, who has directed and produced many successful films, including but not limited to "The Incredibles" and "Ratatouille." His question and answer session was reported to be "informative," "interesting," and "life-shatteringly fucking depressing."
"Yeah Brad Bird was awesome," said Bronson Maguire, a sophomore digital arts major. "He spent two hours showing us the life we'll never have. Awesome."
"He said he was happy to visit a quaint little university like Chapman," said Lisa Verity, also a digital arts major. "Why the fuck didn't I go to USC? Oh, right, I'm poor."
Many other students resorted to cutting themselves and crying in dark rooms while listening to Right Away, Great Captain. "I just..." sobbed film production major Lindsay Paige. "I can't go on. I... I was never accepted to USC. Why haven't I killed myself yet? Why haven't I just ended it all? I will never be Bird-Good."
Having adopted the word "Bird-Good" many students are rallying in an effort to "make Chapman's Film Program totes more Bird-Good." "We have something to stand for," said a senior film studies major known only as Douche Bag Dave. "We gots to be more Bird-good. We got to make Chapman's Film Program totes more Bird-good, or we're totes all gonna fucking fail. I don't want to be looked at as a presh Chapman kid no more. I want to be awesome! Dave-awesome! Bird-good!"
This will never happen. None of us will ever be Bird-good. How's that summer internship at randomgoddamnorangecountykindoffilmrelatedplace looking now? Yeah, pretty fucking good.
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