by Wallaby Shmallaby
Today, The Daily Chapman launched their revolutionary new "31 Days To Improve Your Life Campaign," which has been met with thunderous applause all over campus as hundreds of students sign-up eagerly with hopes of living a happier, healthier, more enjoyable life.
"If anyone knows how to live 'the good life'," said sophomore Adam Pensky, "It's the Daily Chapman. Those fuckers fuck a lot of bitches. I'm really excited!"
At a press conference on Sunday, Alan Wortwick announced the first week of events. "I ain't telling you fuckers everything," said Wortwick. "The good life has surprise. Dick slap!"
Wortwick describe the following event schedule for the next week:
March 1: Stop giving a shit. - Not giving a shit improves your life by drastically reducing your desire to give a shit.
March 2: Grow a moustache. - Life's better with moustaches.
March 3: Fuck Hoes. - We all gotta do it.
March 4: Wine and Cheese. - You gotta be classy, motherfuckers.
March 5: Get crunk and watch Crank. - You'll laugh like a little school girl.
March 6: Hangover Busters. - No description necessary.
March 7: Wear gay pride wear in front of religious institutions. - Necessary.
Rumors are circulating that other events may include: ending every conversation with "I'm Rick James, bitch,", excessive muff-slap day, eating a 4x4 at In-N-Out and naked day.
Truly this will be an inspirational, life-changing month for Chapman students.
1 complaints:
awesome glad you guys are writing again
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