According to research performed by prominent party members, that kid who dropped out Freshman year is currently "searching for love" on Craigslist. "I'm not looking for anything too quick," read the ad. "I just want to not be so lonely all the time." Said like a true kid who flunked out of Chapman.
A recent survey of college dropouts shows that Chapman students have a 98% higher chance of being so depressed that they start using websites like Craigslist and Match.com to find that "special someone". The other 2% look for Japanese sex computers.
"Its obvious why," said Chancellor Danielle Strupa. "We teach kids at Chapman how to fuck. How to fuck long and how to fuck hard. They're not up for any of this 'finding love' bullshit. We're all about hard fucking."
In other news, studies show a 12% increase of members of the Kappa Beta Tau sorority looking for sex on the casual encounters section of Craigslist. More on this story as it develops.
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